alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
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come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
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I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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