I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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