It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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