Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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