Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize