Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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