and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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