i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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