There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize