ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize