White coat. Heels.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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