My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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