Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize