I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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