If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
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you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
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I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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