This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
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She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
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Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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