You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize