So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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