my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
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Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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