I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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