Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wear drunk well.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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