i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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