I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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