we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
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My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
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so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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