Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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