So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
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I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
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I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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