Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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