Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I did not marry a roomba.
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