I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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