He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
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your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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