Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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