I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize