She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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