fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
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I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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