I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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