i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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