I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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