He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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