I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wish they made helmets for livers.
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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