wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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