If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
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He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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