i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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