R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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