I wish I could punch you in the face.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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