i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
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Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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