I'm so fucking centered right now
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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