I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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