hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize