Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
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I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
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Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have aggressive nipples.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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