im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize